Dreaming

I can tell I have babies on my mind.
Last night I had a dream that I was pregnant. When I woke up at around 4 to use the restroom, I was disappointed that the dream was over. But then when I fell back asleep I had another dream… This time I had darlingbaby boy. OMGoodness, [...]

Still

I was looking at pictures of fellow blogger’s babies… And I started crying.
I thought I was feeling better.

Sweet Pea’s Due Date

These last few weeks I’ve been getting many things in the mail, for Sweet Pea.
I think I’d rather of had the baby.

Broken

Wake up to a sunny day, not a cloud up in the sky,
then it starts to rain
My defenses hit the ground, And they shatter all around.
So open and exposed.
I found strength in the struggle. Face to face with my trouble.
Chorus
When you’re broken in a million little pieces and you’re tryin but you cant hold on [...]

Twins

Today Alicia told me that she was praying for twins. Isn’t that the cutest thing? She wants Mommy to have a boy and a girl, so we can have three of each, just like Brady Bunch.
She’s been talking about a new baby a lot lately. All the kids (with the exception of Amanda, who [...]

In Mourning

As you know, I’ve been thinking about Sweet Pea a lot lately… I would have been 38 weeks yesterday. They consider that full term you know.
As a result, I’ve been a bit gloomy. So today I decided to talk to Joe about it. I needed to talk to someone, and you should be able to [...]

A Day of Rest

Quote of the Day:
Alicia: “Take a fast shower Daddy, don’t play with toys.”
Note: Where she got the idea that Daddy played with toys in the shower, we’ll never guess! Guess she assumes that since they play in the tub, Daddy must too!
I had a nice, quiet day. Joe and the kids spent the day [...]

Cycle Day 19 (private)

This is the day that I ovulated last cycle, and so far (according to the test strips) I haven’t ovulated yet… Though my body has felt like it has… Sort of…. I don’t know if I should trust those strips or not!!! I guess time will tell. But if my period starts and they never [...]

Changes

Boy, I have not felt good today. (Too much info coming) … I’ve been passing tissue all day, and man have the cramps been bad. They weren’t as bad as when I lost Sweet Pea, but I wasn’t as far along this time… But they were bad enough that I didn’t get much of anything [...]

It Starts

The actual miscarriage started this evening, while we were out and about. Luckily, I had worn something just in case, since I knew it was only a matter of time.
I’m glad it’s finally over. The waiting/wondering was driving me crazy. *sighs* … I am So. Tired. of all these miscarriages. But I think I am [...]

Do You Hear That Sound?

It’s the fat lady… And she’s singing.
This morning I took another test this morning, and the line didn’t get any darker. In fact, it was a little bit lighter… As I faced the fact that the line was even more faint (I didn’t think that was possible), I got to thinking… My symptoms had been [...]

Scared

My pregnancy tests came in the mail today. As soon as Joe came in with the mail, I snatched them up and went to test… I got a *very* faint positive.
But I am having a hard time being excited…
If I calculated right, I am aprox 17 DPO (days past ovulation).
With Sweet Pea I tested at [...]

Not Over Yet

Still no period.
Joe is convinced I am pregnant, and that the tests were wrong. Mainly because he keeps finding me napping, which isn’t a normal occurance.
I guess only time will tell.
I did get nauseated on the way to Joe’s parents’ house tonight, when Joe was driving the back roads…
It ain’t over yet… It ain’t over [...]

Cubbie? Or Not?

Still no period.
I took a second pregnancy test on Friday, and that one came back negative too. *sighs*
I’m not sure what to think. I’ve been having a *lot* of symptoms:

I’ve been really tired for the last two weeks. So tired that I’ll be sitting here trying to teach school, and my eyes will close on [...]

Wishful Thinking…

… Grasping for straws, and all that jazz.
*sighs*
I had Joe bring home a pregnancy test today, and as soon as he got home, I took it…
And got a big fat negative.
But, my cycle still hasn’t started… Of course, technically, I don’t think it’s even due until Saturday or Sunday. Why I took a test [...]

Pins and Needles

I’ve spent the last week, convinced I was pregnant… Now I am convinced I am not. *sighs*
I thought maybe I was because I’ve been so tired lately. I’ve even taken quite a few naps… On a couple occasions I’ve even felt a bit nauseated.
But now I feel like my cycle is going to start. I’ve [...]

Cycle Day 19

Why does my cycle have to act wonky while we’re TTC? …
On Sunday night (CD14) through Monday afternoon I had slight cramps off and on, so I thought *maybe* I was ovulating… I wasn’t sure, because most of the time my cramps are much worse… But sometimes they are barely noticable… I just wasn’t sure…
Then [...]

Over Before it Starts

*sighs*
I started my period today. … I didn’t think I was pregnant, so it didn’t come as a shock… But it’s still depressing… The longer it takes to get pregnant, the older I get… The older the kids get, and the bigger the age distance between the kids.
If Sweet Pea had lived, I would [...]

Hmmmm…

My left leg (my lower leg) is cramping. I don’t normally get leg cramps, except when I’m pregnant… Now I’m not saying that I am pregnant. My cycle isn’t even due for another week… Let’s just take a look at some of the early pregnancy symptoms one could have:

Chest pain?… Nope
Uterine cramping?… Yes, some in [...]

The Perinatologist

Today was the day that I saw the perinatologist…
Since we were going to be gone for half the day, we decided to take the day off school. I told Jared not to turn on his alarm clock, because I wanted to sleep in this morning. … It didn’t work though. At around 3:00 am [...]